Stay
by IrisWrites
Summary: a break up au where they constantly come back to each other to only break up again and it keeps repeating like a endless circle until one day, one of them decides to break it. But can they break it? And how will the other react to it?


Based on this headcanon/au I had. Inspired by "Stay" by Rihanna and I rec listening to it while reading ovo.

* * *

This has happened before, something that was far too familiar to them but at this point it didn't matter anymore. Their situation was like a repeating record with only one song, you'd think someone would bother to change it by now but none of them did. Maybe they liked it like that or maybe they just couldn't bring themselves to.

Their break ups were usually loud and abrupt, sometimes getting violent but never enough to physically hurt each other, they couldn't bring themselves to do that. During the period when they were apart they made little contact with one another, the convenience of not living together really. But it doesn't last long before one of them decides it's time to apologize and make up.

This time it was Antonio's turn, with hands full of groceries and a wine bottle tucked hazardously under his chin, he knocked on the door. Lovino answered, took the wine from Antonio's chin and let him in. There were no words exchanged between them, it was for the better.

Things would stay like that for a while, for days or weeks, little words would be spoken. Most of the time their actions spoke for them. Tender kisses, sex in random places, cuddling on occasions, so on, it was all physical intimacy. As for the actual words of apology, it depends on why they decided to break up and who initiated it. The Antonio apologized that night after they had sex.

Sex. It was rather a big part of their relationship, almost to the point that the question if whether their relationship had any substantial romantic investment in it or if it was only sexual comes into mind. Perhaps there was both, though one was more apparent than the other.

One night Lovino decided to ask Antonio the question that always came up at some point after they reunited. It always came in different wordings and forms but the idea always remained the same.

"Hey, Ton- Antonio, do you think any of this," he indicated between them, "is a, uh, shit! a mistake?"

The Spaniard looked up from his spot between Lovino's leg and answered, "if it were a mistake I don't we would keep doing this."

He pushes Antonio head away, "but that's it, what if this is our mistake? All of this, you know we're nothing near a fucking healthy relationship."

Antonio pauses and pushes himself upright, leans closer to the other. "Have you ever heard of a man name H.L. Mencken, Lovino?"

The Italian shakes his head so Antonio continues, "well he said something really smart, he said 'Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.' Isn't that why we keep doing this? This mistake of ours, because we can't stop?"

"That's…not the point. Don't sprout stuff like that, stupid. Forget it." That was the end of their discussion and the last time the subject was brought up while they were still together. Lovino had thought it over several times, let it run around his head until he felt too tired to give it more thoughts.

This time is works out well, lasting for almost a year until one night in October Antonio came home to an empty apartment and a note by his bedroom drawer. He didn't approach it or made much effort to look for the either. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach, like all of his fears were suddenly drowning him in that moment.

It took him 5 minutes before he finally picked up the piece of paper and read what was written on it.

"You were right, it was our fault to make the mistake of not stopping. We kept on trying to forget that we had a mess to fix and the more we ignored it, the more we hurt. You've noticed it, how this relationship keeps on hurting us more the longer we decided to keep going. And maybe it wasn't fucking love between us, maybe it was just a goddamn unhealthy obsession. But it's time one of us stop all of this permanently. I'm sorry.

- Lovino Vargas"

Sadness wasn't it, he didn't feel very sad, but he wasn't happy either. Maybe he was in shock or maybe he just couldn't get himself to process it thoroughly. But he did feel a void, a lonely void that he was suddenly tossed into. Whatever emotions he was trying to understand was numbed out by something else inside of him he couldn't identify.

That night he went to bed like that, with Lovino's letter by his bedside, and still fully dressed. It wasn't until the morning when he woke up and realized that there was no longer a Lovino to apologize and make up to did it finally hit him. There was no more second, third, fourth, or fifth chance for them, everything was simply gone.

Antonio stayed in bed that morning broken and crying. No matter how much he screamed into his pillow or angrily shout at nothing, the feeling of emptiness was still there. The unsettling feeling of losing a part of you swallowed Antonio up, suffocating him in regret and anguish.

He had known it would happen someday but he had also hoped it would never happen. It took him until 4pm that day to collect himself and continued on with his life. After awhile he managed to convince himself that it was better to forget and move on, ignore the small aching pangs he'll feel in his heart now and then.

3 years has passed and Lovino kept his words and Antonio kept on moving forward. Whether or not if the truly did or still love each other was their secret to keep.

* * *

the love quote is from here: brainyquote quotes/quotes/h/hlmencke141073. html

I've been working on this fic since summer break but I never got to finish it until now! It sounds bit rush but I was trying to make it like that since it's like a general idea of what happened to their relationship in the au.


End file.
